Football, Fractions, & Fatherhood

It has been a long time since I’ve written something for this blog. Due in part to the topic of this blog. For those that don’t know I became a teacher and coach at a middle school in west Fort Worth this past August. It has been four months of what can be best described as controlled chaos. I can definitely say that I have learned my share of lessons good and bad.

The most important thing that I’ve learned, however is the importance of fatherhood. When I’ve had a few seconds to reflect (which is amazing in and of itself if you know what its like to be a coach and teach 7th grade math) I keep coming back to the issue of fatherhood. I knew coming into teaching that I wanted to try and make a difference on a more personal level, but I wasn’t quite prepared for what I was walking into. Here are just a few comments that have occurred in my classroom or on the field this fall.

I’ve changed the names because I’m sure that’s some legal something that I’m supposed to do.

(If I ever get bored I’ll rail on the things that I think are stupid within our system)

- "Coach, which is farther away, Corsicana or Kansas? Because I think that Timmy doesn’t have to drive as far to see his dad in prison."

When asked to share something good that’s happened in their lives one girl in my class asked if she could instead share one of the worst moments in her life…

-"When I was seven my dad was drunk and hit me behind the ear with a broken beer bottle and now every year I have to get surgery to remove a tumor that keeps coming back."

- "Guess what Coach?! Tonight I get to go out to eat and meet my real dad. My mom just found out who my real dad about a month ago." This young lady is 12.

There are many more conversations and comments that keep telling the same story. There is a fatherhood crisis out there. I’d be shocked if more than 75% of my students lived with both their mom and biological dad. This is not news to many I know, but it blows me away how any father could abandon, abuse or neglect his own child. The life of a middle school coach is filled with long hours and little compensation. There are many nights (especially during football season) where all I want to do is go home and be lazy. I don’t want to be bothered and there’s not a bone in my body that’s unselfish. BUT I love my wife and my daughter and I know how important I am in their lives. Seeing my students and the situations they have to live in breaks my heart, but it also drives me to be a better father.

I’m thankful that I’ve been given the awesome privilege and responsibility of raising my daughter, humbled that hopefully I can impact even a few kids who don’t even know what a dad is for, and so incredibly grateful that I had such an awesome dad that was always there for any and everything that happened in my life. (And yes that last sentence was probably a run-on, but I’m a math teacher. If you want to talk about integers and improper fractions, bring it on!)

Still alive...

I haven't forgotten how to blog. There is one coming soon that's been brewing in my mind for the past few months. Stay tuned...

Lessons from my daughter

The past 7 months or so have been an interesting season in my life. If I had to pick one word to describe it would be uncertainty. We’re still working through the church question, still trying to sell our house and I’ll be starting a brand new career as a teacher in two weeks. Plus throw in a lot of other things and you arrive at what has seemed at times a very chaotic first half of 2007. So I’ve asked myself recently what I’ve learned, and the best lessons have come from my daughter Reese. Here are just a few...

- The most important thing to Reese is her time with Mommy and Daddy. She doesn’t really care all that much if her toys change and get fancier. She really cares about the givers and not the gifts. She couldn’t survive if all she had was her stuff and didn’t have Mommy and Daddy. That’s a lesson that I need to continually be reminded of in relation to the Giver of life.

- I tell Reese not to touch something and five minutes later she’s trying to touch it again. At first this frustrated me but then I realized that I can do the same thing to God when I make the same mistake over and over again. Thankfully God is very patient.

- Recently Reese has decided that she only wants to eat grilled cheese for lunch and dinner. She can get quite upset if we don’t give her the food she wants. But obviously we can’t just feed her grilled cheese. Reese doesn’t realize what she needs nutritionally. It’s my job as her father to make sure she gets what she needs even if she doesn’t like it at the time. I keep asking God for certain things, but haven’t seemed to have gotten them yet. Maybe He knows what I need instead of what I want?

- There are times when Reese gets scared because she thinks that I’ve left her. And perhaps I’ve left the room but I still know exactly where she is and I can hear her cries. She cries because her vantage point is not the same as mine. I’ve learned that in the same way I freak out and question what God is doing and if he knows how dire my situation is. The fact is that he knows exactly where I am even when I don’t know what He’s doing. Just because I can’t see Him doesn’t mean that He can’t see me.

It’s crazy how much you can learn from a little girl.

Heroes

Yes, "Heroes" is an incredibly creative television show surpassed only by the greatness that is "Lost". But it is not the subject of this posting. Webster defines a hero as...

'a man of distinguished courage or ability, admired for his brave deeds and noble qualities.'

Listed below are the men in my life who I consider my heroes. They inspire me and show me little glimpses of Christ.

In no particular order and by no means meant to be a way to paint a complete picture of who any of these men truly are.

Aaron McClung: My hero because he is a man of deep conviction, but also a man of proper action. He strives for excellence in all that he touches. One of the few men that I would say I agree with on matters of ministry without even knowing the topic.

Cory Kuhn: My hero because he defines both the words teacher and teachable. He is a guardian of truth and love who is never afraid to ask the hards questions, but only because he cares that much.

David Souders: My hero because he is truly compassionate and you never walk away from a conversation and feel that he doesn't care. Dave is also the definition of a servant.

Jay Mendenhall: My hero because it seems that he possesses all of the fruit of the Spirit at any given time. Jay is probably the best listener that you will ever meet and dishes out some pretty wise counsel too. Jay also made it possible for me to see my first glimpse of heaven on earth, or more commonly referred to as Wrigley Field.

Lanny O'Steen: My hero because of his zeal and passion for the lost. Lanny loves life and has an energy that is truly contagious. He's my hand twin and my wife thinks he runs really fast.

Matt Stewart: My hero because he is a true friend. Watch the Lord of the Rings movies and pay attention to the character of Samwise, or read about Jonathan in 1 Samuel and you will begin to get a glimpse of who Matt is. Matt was the first friend that showed up to the hospital the day my dad passed away. And on a lighter note he's a fellow super nerd and my wingman.

Travis Womack: My hero because he risks his life every day for the freedom of this country. And I've seen few people that are as hospitable as he is.

Mason Pounds: My hero because he's a motivator to those around him. And there are few times that Mason can't lift anyone's spirits with his crazy brand of humor.

Jimmy Perez: My hero because he does whatever it takes to see that his family and friends are taken care of. There is no one who I'd rather endure another category 4 hurricane with. Jimmy is also a Spurs fan, but I don't hold that against him.

Shea Sumlin: My hero because he helped me define what life is all about. Shea has a passion for ministry and discipleship that is rarely matched.

John Bryson: My hero because he is one of the greatest leaders and visionaries I've been around. And for sure one of the most humble leaders I've seen.

Tom Ferrell: My hero because he defines grace. You never walk away from Tom's presence and not feel that you were a little closer to Christ in the process.

Printess Baker(PawPa): My hero because he is a constant encourager and teacher. And it seems that he can fix anything.

J.W. Titsworth(Grandpa): My hero because he defines diligence and strength through restraint. He also instilled in me a love of reading.

Patrick Titsworth: My hero of heroes for more reasons than I can write.

Perspective

We’ve all heard the expression “glass half empty or glass half full” when trying to determine whether one is an optimist or pessimist. Honestly I think everyone is a little of both. We have our good days and our bad days. Isn’t it funny how you can hear news that gives you just a little bit of hope and your whole day turns around? For example, you’ve been trying to sell your house for months and you hear that someone looked at it today. In that instant your spirits pick up a bit and all seems to be right with the world. But the reverse is true as well. Everything is normal and then someone hacks into your bank account online and wipes you out. Your heart sinks and you think all is lost. In both cases not much has really changed. The person looking at the house is just looking and the wonderful people at the bank (did you sense the sarcasm there?) put all of the money back in 7-10 business days.

The only thing that changes many times is our perspective. Ultimately we can always look for silver linings in things and we can always find ways in which the grass would be greener on the other side. However, I think at the end of the day we have to realize what kind of perspective we have. It is helpful (though not always easy) to keep some semblance of an eternal perspective. In the end I won’t really care how many months it took my house to sell, how much interest I paid on debt that I owed, how many hours I sat in traffic coming home from work, or how many games the Rangers lost in 2007 (my prediction is 93). What will matter to me is did I love with fervor? Did I enjoy the unique moments in life that God gave me and did I do my best to honor him with them? And did I live my life with intentionality and passion? Because in the end this life is just blip on the radar screen of eternity. Hard to fully comprehend, but true nonetheless.

Correct Label?

There are many labels that people attach to themselves, but it can be difficult to ascertain whether these labels are correct. Words must continually be defined and redefined. There are many that label themselves as Christians, but you and I both know that not everyone who claims to be a Christ follower knows him. The same is true of those who label themselves as your friend. Today it seems that if you aren’t my enemy then you by default are my friend. However, I feel as though we need to give the word friend a better definition.

Friends can have discussions about more than just the latest (insert your favorite sport here) score or the latest episode of (insert your favorite TV show here) they watched last night. Friends can ask difficult questions and get honest answers. Friends continue to keep in contact with you even after you leave a church, job or any other place of common attendance. Friends are there to rebuke as well as encourage. Friends don’t mind going out of their way for you. Friends don’t hide behind masks. Friends drop everything when they are needed. Friends see your blind spots. Friends remember special occasions. Friends make up for the areas we are weak in. Friends are reliable. Friends aren’t shallow. Friends are there for times of laughter and times of sorrow, and they can pick up on both without a word being said. Friends are friends forever (ok that was meant to be a crack at the Michael W. Smith song, but it’s still true).

Ultimately “A friend loves at all times” and “No one has greater love than this – that one lays down his life for his friends.”

How many of our friendships really look like this?

Kingdom of Sand

In Matthew 13, Jesus gives us parables about the kingdom of heaven. He says that the kingdom of heaven can be compared to treasure hidden in a field or a pearl of great price. In both cases the person who finds these valuable objects quickly goes and sells all that they have to purchase their new discoveries. I believe the point that Jesus is trying to make here is that any material possessions we own or anything that we consider “ours” is of less value than the kingdom of heaven. It is evident from the parable that guy in the field and the merchant are so blown away by their finds that they quickly go and sell all that they have. They would only do this quickly if it was a no brainer. It is obvious to them that what they currently own doesn’t compare with the new treasure.

In much the same way our former lives should be sold for our entrance into the kingdom of heaven. I’m not a mathematician, but I realize that my 80 years (if I’m lucky) on a corrupted planet Earth can’t begin to compare with an eternity in a perfect world. So if I know that the kingdom of heaven is going to be so much greater than anything I can imagine in this current life, why do I still cling to dumb things like TiVo or new jeans?

It’s been granted to me to find the treasure of the kingdom of heaven, but I choose to keep it buried. It is always seems like it’s in a land far, far away. I forget to look deeper, beneath the surface. It’s trapped beneath things of far lesser value like checking accounts, mortgage, car payments, job, softball, and great TV shows (like Lost and Heroes). Sometimes it’s even hard to see it beneath so called "good things" like my dreams, my goals, my desires to see my family taken care of and the like. If the kingdom of heaven was a treasure chest all of these things would just be the sand. Sand is worthless, but there always seems to be tons of it and it can for sure hide something.

The kingdom of heaven means an eternity with a holy, perfectly loving, perfectly just, creatively creative creator God who sacrificed himself to give this kingdom to a band of rebels. It means a restored world with no more pain, sickness, suffering or sin. It is a kingdom that is never ending in wonder and delight. It is truly a treasure beyond value. So why is it that I have trouble leaving my kingdom of sand?

Ingrate

I am amazed at how often I forget how blessed I am. I tend to see that the grass is greener on the other side. But I fail to realize that the simple fact that I can see the grass should be reason enough to be thankful.

It’s ridiculous how much God has given me. I was able to wake up this morning. I could take a shower with hot water. Then I could pick from a variety of clothes to wear. I was able to get into a car and drive myself to work. Along the way I had the power to choose what I listened to. If I didn’t like the radio stations, I could just pop in one of the 8 CDs I had in my car. And those were just the ones IN my car. Then I show up and I walk into an air-conditioned building where I will sit in a comfortable desk chair for most of the day. And ultimately I had the choice to take this job in the first place. No one forced me to do it. Then after a few hours I also have the ability to go to lunch to a place of my choosing. I can do this because I’ve also been given the ability to make money and with that money I can trade it for food. And not only food, but food that I enjoy. No small bowl of rice that many AIDS victims in Africa would love to have. Instead a meal complete with hamburger, fries and a Dr. Pepper.

Then I remember that I have friends and family that love me. Friends plural. And functional family. After a day of nowhere near exhausting physically labor I get to hop in my fully functional car and drive home to my beautiful wife and adorable baby girl. (Seriously. Have you looked at my other blog???) I’m sure that Kate and I will have another meal that has been provided for us. I don’t have to worry where my next meal is coming from, the only thing I have to worry about is whether or not it’ll have onions in it. We’ll sit back and chill by talking about our day, and then maybe take a walk on our healthy legs, and laugh at the new things that our healthy daughter can do. Finally, at the end of the night I’ll get to lay my head on a soft pillow and sleep on a nice mattress. No sleeping on the hard ground out in the cold for me. And I can sleep soundly knowing that my family lives in a good neighborhood and the doors are locked.

At last but certainly not least, I rest with the assurance that I’m in Christ’s hand and that He holds my tomorrow. Whether I wake up or not I’m His, and He is mine.

But somehow I still tend to focus on the grass on the other side. Failing to realize that God has granted me some of the greenest pastures in the world. I’m such an ingrate.

Communication for Dummies

If there is one subject that gets me fired up it is the subject of communication. Maybe that’s why I chose that as my major in college. Most problems in life boil down to a communication issue. This can be written, verbal, or non-verbal. After all the one thing I learned in all of my classes was that “you cannot NOT communicate”. Every single word we speak or don’t speak, every email we send, every letter we write, and every action that we take communicates something. Good two-way communication is so very vital to the survival of every relationship that you and I have.

That is why I get so frustrated when people behave like morons when it comes to this issue. So here’s my suggestion to anyone who thinks they might need to work on their communication skills and also to those who don’t. (Because they are probably the ones that need it most)

1. Make sure you have all of the facts before making any judgment. And then get some more facts.

2. Remember to keep all things in context of the situation, and don’t forget to factor in the personality of the person with whom you are communicating.

3. Intently listen to the conversation or read the entire letter before responding. Again don’t just take stuff out of context.

4. Remember that message sent isn’t always message received, so make sure that the other person understands what you meant.

5. Watch your tone of voice and body language.

6. Ask good questions.

7. Make eye contact.

8. Be slow to speak and quick to listen. They should have a verse in the Bible about that one.

9. Remember that ALL people are complex creatures and can’t always be put into a nice neat categories.

10. PAY ATTENTION

The bottom line is that there are a lot of people that are poor communicators for whatever reason. If we could all take the time and put more effort into how and what we communicate, I believe we could see a huge difference in our world.

Denominations

So what’s with all of the countless denominations within Christianity? Who is right and who is wrong? This question has plagued me for most of my life. I remember growing up and thinking that some of the kids in my school who went to other churches were less Christian than the people that attended my church and denomination. I’m sure I’m not the only one who has ever thought that. While I have moved past this thinking in some sense there still is the question in my mind as to why there are so many denominations. Didn’t Christ pray for his people to be unified? So what’s the deal?

Well obviously the church is full of humans. This means they all still have the propensity to sin. Even leadership! Some within may not even be truly regenerate. Shocking, I know. But fallen people plus fallen ideas equals fallen results. This is why there have been so many church splits and ultimately denominational creations. Now understand, most of the denominations that have been formed started out with the right idea. Or at least they had good intensions. Most things start out good, but they are corrupted over time. There is continually a need for re-evaluation and reformation. So ultimately some denominations have to be formed because the one before it started veering off the road of truth.

But as I’ve gotten older I’ve also realized that denominations exist because different gifts and personalities exist. Certain practices are going to appeal to certain types of people. A church that places a heavier emphasis on teaching is going to reach a certain personality better than the church that places more emphasis on music and expression. Is one right and one wrong?

In the end as true Christ followers, Christians, saints, disciples or whatever you want to label yourself (that’s another topic for another day) we must agree on the essentials of our faith. I’m not naïve enough to believe that we’ll all agree on what those essentials are. Some will say that a certain Bible translation or a particular type of worship music is essential. I would disagree with those two examples and have to humbly state that our essentials must come from God. And since no one I know has ever had an audible conversation with Him at Starbucks, we have to get our information as He has revealed it in the Bible. No traditions of men should be deemed as essential. They can be important and even helpful to some. But they can’t be essential. Ultimately we have to be about what Christ was about. Without Him and His mission the church is just another group of people who think they are better than everyone else.

Explanation

So why another blog?

This is just a way to throw out some of my random thinking on things that come into my mind. Most of it will tend to revolve around the world of the theologocial, but I'm sure there will be goofy things that don't fit nicely into that category. As I get older I have begun to look at the world in a new way. I have started to not merely take everything at face value and start asking the right questions.

And now I feel I must explain the name. There are many things in life that don't seem to make sense. It can be confusing. Thus the paradox. The Christian life is definitely not immune to this. Things can't always be put into neat categories (but we try really hard to put them there). And all of our lives are guided by something. I am trying to let mine be guided by Truth. Thus the orthodox.

This blog is nothing more than my opinion of how I see the world in relation to my Christian walk. Hopefully it is well informed and beneficial to others.

Let the commenting begin...

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PARADOX - a statement or proposition that seems self-contradictory or absurd but in reality expresses a possible truth.

ORTHODOX - sound or correct in opinion or doctrine